Blackheart
by Neon Blur
Summary: Just Kristen/Dakota this time...
1. Balancing Act

Kristen wasn't having a good day. For starters, she had gotten into a fight with Rob earlier on set about his lack of professionalism – he showed up for filming 2 hours late. Secondly, she had smoked her last cigarette hours ago and couldn't go get more until they had finished for the day. She supposed she could ask someone to get them for her, a lowly PA or something, but she hated doing that; it made her feel like a diva. She was anxious, frustrated, and desperately wanted a cigarette. She wouldn't dare ask Rob for one, not after the argument they had gotten into earlier. Plus, he didn't smoke the same ones as hers and that's all she wanted, a nice, smooth Parliament. It was all she could think about now and it took her four or five tries just to get her lines right in one scene. She rolled her eyes at herself, feeling her nerves vibrating as she tried to think of something, _anything_ else. She looked across the set and saw Rob standing there, getting his make-up touched up. She scoffed under her breath, unable to even look at him. He made her so crazy sometimes, and that in and of itself made her frustrated. She wished he didn't have this affect on her.

Finally, the director told them to take five and she jogged off set, slipping out the back door and toward her trailer, hoping to catch one of the crew members with a cigarette. She did, and sighed in relief as she lit it, feeling the toxic smoke fill her lungs. Her heart raced instantly as the nicotine buzzed through her body, but she felt strangely relaxed. She held the smoke between her lips, reaching into her jacket and pulling out her phone. She had a text message and she opened it, a smile spreading across her face.

Dakota: _Hey. I was just thinking about you and how much I miss you! It's weird not being on set with you all day, everyday anymore. Call me when you're free. Xx_

Kristen immediately dialled her number.

"That was fast," Dakota said, answering.

"Hi," Kristen said softly. "You have no idea how good it is to talk to you."

Dakota laughed. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing. I am just having a total shit day."

"Oh no! Why?" Dakota sounded genuinely concerned.

Kristen sighed. "A bunch of things. I miss…" she paused for a moment. "I miss filming with you and Joan and Floria and everyone."

"Me too," Dakota replied.

Kristen took a long drag on her cigarette, exhaling. "How are you?" she said.

"I'm okay. I'm flying out soon to film though!"

Kristen smiled. "Thank God. Things are weird without you."

Dakota smiled to herself. "I know. I feel the same way."

"Fuuuuuck," Kristen said. "I am so over guys, by the way."

Dakota giggled. "What happened now?"

"Oh, you know," Kristen said, exhaling. "Rob just thought he'd show up two hours late today. No big deal. Not like I've been here since seven in the morning or anything."

"What? Why was he so late?"

"Funny you should ask. I asked him the same thing and he just kind of looked at me and said he had things to do. Like what? Play with his hair?" she chuckled.

"Oh. That's weird."

"Yeah. He's a total fucking nutjob sometimes I swear. Things have been weird ever since we started filming again."

"Why?"

Kristen shrugged, taking a final drag and dropping her smoke on the ground, stepping on it. "Fuck, man. I don't know. But, it sucks. Plus, he's all jealous of Taylor or something, it's_ so _bizarre."

Dakota was quiet.

"Anyway," Kristen said. "I should probably get back. But, shit, I miss you man."

"I miss you too," Dakota replied.

Kristen felt a fuzzy feeling in her stomach that she used to get all the time with Dakota. "But, I'll see you soon right?"

"Yeah. Like, next week."

"Good," Kristen replied. "I can't wait."

"Me too. Bye, Kristen."

"Dakota?" Kristen said softly.

"Mmm?" she replied.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you too," Dakota replied. They hung up.

Kristen walked back on set, taking a deep breath, feeling slightly better knowing her best friend would be there soon enough.

**A week later**

Dakota walked through the doors and on set and Kristen squealed like a schoolgirl, running at her. She threw her arms around Dakota's tiny frame, making her stumble backwards.

"Hello stranger," Dakota said, giggling.

Kristen looked at her, a smile beaming across her face. "Hi!" she said. They stared at each other for a moment, feeling like they were the only two people in the room.

"You feel taller," Kristen said.

Dakota smiled. "I'm not," she replied.

"You feel good though," Kristen said softly, pulling Dakota into another hug. "How much time before you have to go into make-up?" she asked.

"Oh, like 10 minutes?" Dakota looked at her watch.

"Perfect. Come with me," Kristen said, grabbing Dakota's arm and hauling her back out the door.

"Kristen, where are we going? I have to go say hi to everyone!" Dakota said, half laughing.

Kristen swung the door of her trailer open and pulled Dakota inside. She looked around quickly to make sure no one was in there and then put her hands on either side of Dakota's face, kissing her. She felt Dakota tense for a moment, and then relax as she put her hands on Kristen's waist. Kristen slid her hands down around Dakota's shoulders and pulled her closer, a moan escaping her throat.

She pulled away and smiled. "Sorry," she said. "You walked in and I just knew I couldn't go any longer without doing that."

Dakota blushed. "Uh," she said, shifting awkwardly.

"Don't say anything. I just…I just wanted to do that."

They stood there for a moment, both feeling heat in their cheeks and a tickle in the back of their throats.

"Kristen?" Dakota said softly, looking up at her.

Kristen raised her eyebrows in response.

"Can you do that again?" Dakota asked, smiling coyly.

Kristen laughed, leaning forward and pressing her lips against Dakota's one more time. She held her there, her hands around her waist, her tongue tracing along her bottom lip. Dakota's heart fluttered and she pressed closer against Kristen's familiar body. Kristen's hands slid down Dakota's lower back, and she tucked them onto Dakota's back pocket, their bodies pressed tightly against one another.

Dakota put her hands on Kristen's arms, pushing her away.

"Shit," she whispered.

"What?" Kristen asked.

"We have to stop."

Kristen pulled away completely. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"No, not because I want to. But because if we don't…well, let's just say I will be very, very late for hair and make-up," she smirked.

Kristen took a deep breath, biting her lips and running her hand through her hair. "Yeah. Exactly."

They looked at each other for a moment, before glancing away bashfully.

"I guess we should…" Kristen said.

"Yeah. Are you hanging around set? I don't think we have a scene together today."

"Yeah, I'll stick around," Kristen said.

Dakota nodded and they both walked toward the door of the trailer. Dakota stopped before opening it, turning around slightly.

"You know," she said, her blue eyes piercing as Kristen looked down at her. "You look really, really good."

Kristen smiled. "Thanks. So do you."

Dakota grinned, turning back around and opening the door, feeling slightly giddy.

* * *

"Oh, come on," Rob crooned in Kristen's ear. "You don't need to be here. Let's just go back to my place, open a bottle of wine…"

Kristen bit her lip as she looked at his familiar face, his hazel eyes piercing right through her.

"I told Dakota I would wait for her to finish," she explained.

"So?" he said. "She's not going to be mad if you leave. She'll understand." He put his hand on her waist and leaned closer, his cologne smacking her in the face. She took a deep breath, feeling very attracted to him.

"But…" she started, interrupted by the feeling of his whisper against her ear.

"I know you want this too," he said coyly.

Kristen fought everything inside her not to jump him right then and there. And yet, there was a strange feeling of guilt rising in her stomach.

"Rob, I just…I feel bad if I just leave. She'll only be a little while longer."

Rob looked down at her, disappointed. "Alright. Do you want me to stay too?"

Kristen shrugged. "You can go if you'd like. I'll call you when I get home."

Rob stared at her for a moment. "Okay," he said softly. He leaned in a kissed her on the cheek. "Goodnight, Kristen."

She smiled. "Goodnight, Robert."

He chuckled and sauntered off across the lot.

Kristen took a deep breath, half upset with herself for not going with him. He really was very good looking, and very charming. Things had been weird between them at first but now everything seemed normal again and she tried not to dwell on the fact that they had the most intense sexual chemistry between them, which they had acted on more than once before.

She lit a cigarette and stood there, leaning against the wall, listening to her iPod. She looked at her watch and hoped Dakota wouldn't be much longer. Just as she took her last drag, the door swung open and a tired looking Dakota walked through.

"Hey," Kristen said in her familiar, raspy voice.

Dakota smiled. "You waited," she said, slightly surprised.

Kristen nodded. "Of course. Want a ride home?"

Dakota nodded slowly and they walked toward Kristen's car.

"How was it?" Kristen asked as she started the engine.

"Long. I was a total idiot all day on set too. I couldn't get my damn lines rights."

Kirsten laughed slightly. "That sucks man."

"Yeah. I was very…distracted," Dakota replied slowly, looking over at Kristen.

"Oh yeah?" Kristen asked. "By what?"

Dakota blushed and looked away. "You know exactly what."

Kristen bit her lip. "We're making a pit stop," she said and she turned right instead of left.

"Where?" Dakota asked curiously.

Kristen just glanced over at her and smiled. After a few minutes, Dakota realized where they were. "Are you taking me to your house?" she asked.

Kristen nodded. "Yep."

"Why?" Dakota giggled.

"I want to, uh, show you something," Kristen mumbled, swinging the car into her driveway. They both got out and walked slowly toward the door. Kristen bumped Dakota with her shoulder and smiled playfully.

"What exactly do you have to show me?" Dakota asked, playing along.

Kristen opened the door and stepped inside. She closed it slowly behind Dakota and locked it.

They stared at each other for a moment, a smile creeping across both their faces.

"C'mere," Kristen said, grabbing Dakota's hand. She took a step toward her and her heart skipped a beat. Kristen took a deep breath, licking her bottom lip before leaning in and kissing Dakota. Kristen's body surged and she pulled her closer, the kiss quickly becoming urgent, aggressive. Dakota felt her hands shaking slightly and she stepped in sync with Kristen, pushing her against the wall behind them.

Their tongues slid across each other and Kristen's hands found their way to Dakota's slender hips and she grabbed at them. She pulled away slightly, her mouth carefully sliding down Dakota's neck, nipping at her soft skin.

"D-don't" Dakota said, her whole body buzzing in excitement.

Kristen smiled against her skin, kissing her neck softly. She looked at her, her eyes scanning her face for an indication of what to do next.

"Let's go upstairs," she suggested, flicking her eyebrows in a way that made Dakota's stomach flutter.

Dakota swallow hard. "Why?" she asked, playing dumb.

Kristen leaned closer. "You know why," she whispered in her ear, sending chills down Dakota's spine.

Dakota nodded slowly, unable to speak, and Kristen took her hand and led her upstairs.

Once inside her bedroom, Kristen sat down on the edge of her bed. Dakota stared at her, her heart racing.

Kristen smiled and flicked her eyebrows again in that way that Dakota loved, and nodded for her to come over.

Dakota sat down beside her, her hands in her lap and she looked down at them, feeling the heat in her cheeks.

"Don't be nervous," Kristen whispered, putting her hand on her leg.

"You make me nervous sometimes," Dakota said softly.

Kristen smiled. She put her hand on Dakota's face and kissed her softly. Dakota felt her whole body relax, much as it did anytime Kristen touched her, and she moved into the kiss. Before they knew it, they were lying down, legs tangled, their breathing heavy. Kristen shifted in her jeans, wanting to take this to the next level.

She pulled away, slightly out of breath. "Fuck," she said. "I really want you right now."

Dakota smirked and nodded. Kristen swallowed hard and she dragged her hand across Dakota's stomach, gingerly touching the button on her jeans. Their eyes were locked, and Dakota felt a rush flow through her body and she could swear Kristen could hear how loud her heart was beating.

Kristen's fingers tightened their grip around the button and she leaned down and kissed Dakota again, pulling it open as she did so. Dakota gasped slightly, now fully aware of what was about to happen.

"W-wait," she said, not really sure why.

Kristen looked down at her, retreating her hand and resting it on her stomach.

"We don't have to," Kristen said quickly.

Dakota took a deep breath. "I just…I don't know if I'm…"

Kristen nodded. "No, totally. It's okay. We can stop…"

Dakota put her hands over her face. "This is like a bad after school special."

Kristen laughed. "I don't know any after school specials with two girls hooking up, but maybe I'm watching the wrong channels."

Dakota looked over at Kristen, admiring her glowing green eyes, slender nose and the freckles that danced across her cheeks. "How did we get here?" she asked softly.

Kristen shrugged. "I don't know. But I like it."

"Me too," Dakota said softly. "You're a really good kisser."

Kristen smirked, pulling at Dakota's shirt. "So are you," she replied.

"It's not that I don't want to, you know, do this, but I don't think I am ready yet." Dakota said after a moment.

Kristen nodded. "I know. It's okay. You don't need to explain it. I just…got all hot and bothered."

Dakota blushed. "Me too."

Kristen put her arm around Dakota and pulled her close. Dakota pressed her face against Kristen's warm skin, taking a deep breath. She loved the way Kristen smelled, kind of smoky but fresh, like she had been outside all day. She curled her fingers around Kristen's sweatshirt and they just lied there for a moment. Kristen twirled Dakota's long, blonde hair around her fingers and she smiled to herself. She loved the peacefulness of moments like this. These were the types of moments that you always remember.

"Have you told anyone?' Dakota asked suddenly.

"About what?" Kristen asked.

"Us. This."

Kristen shook her head. "No. Have you?"

"No," Dakota replied. "It's our little secret."

Kristen smiled, but it quickly faded as the though of Rob finding out filtered through her mind. She suddenly felt guilty, realizing she went home with Dakota instead of him. She didn't know why she felt that way, it was strictly casual between them, but she could only imagine how he would react to something like this. She sighed and shook her head, pulling back to look at Dakota.

"I should take you home, huh?" she said, suddenly dying for a cigarette.

Dakota scrunched her face. "Yeah, I guess so."

She kissed Dakota's forehead and rolled over, sitting up.

Dakota buttoned up her pants and walked over toward Kristen awkwardly.

"So, are you on set tomorrow?" she asked.

Kristen smiled. "Don't do that," she said.

"What?" Dakota asked.

"Don't make small talk. Come here," she pulled Dakota's arm gently and wrapped her arms around her. "You know I like you, Dakota," she said. "We don't have to pretend we're strangers."

"I wasn't," Dakota replied softly.

Kristen laughed. "Yes, I will be on set tomorrow. Maybe we can steal a few minutes in the trailer," she said.

Dakota smiled bashfully. "Okay," she said. She looked at Kristen and licked her lips.

Kristen leaned in and kissed her again, softly.

"C'mon," she said, taking her hand. "Let's go before your parents think I kidnapped you."

"I wouldn't mind that," Dakota mused.

Kristen chuckled, pulling out her cigarettes and locking the door behind them.


	2. Playing with Fire

Kristen's stomach dropped as she came to the realization that she had officially had too much to drink. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to steady her focus, but it didn't seem to help. A bunch of them had decided to go to the bar after a long day of filming, and though she was 21 yet, Kristen rarely had a problem getting served. She looked around the table and smiled, trying to join a conversation but her head was swimming and she felt incredibly thirsty all of a sudden.

"You okay?" Rob asked, laughing slightly.

Kristen nodded. "Yeah. Fine. Could use a glass of water though," she slurred.

Rob smirked and slid out of his chair, promptly bringing back a large glass of icy cold water and placing it in front of her.

"Bottoms up," Rob said, sitting back down. He watched as Kristen practically downed the whole thing. Much better, she thought.

"You want to get from fresh air?" Rob asked, his accent so thick it was almost irresistible.

Kristen nodded and they walked outside. She instinctively pulled out a cigarette and they both stood there, swaying slightly, smoking in silence.

"Tell me something," Rob said finally.

"What?" Kristen asked. Her voice sounded far away.

"Why didn't you come home with me the other night?"

Kristen blinked a few times, trying to string together a sentence in her head. "Uh, well…I was waiting for Dakota."

"Yes, I know, but _why_?"

Kristen shrugged. "Because I told her I was gonna," she said, blowing smoke out into the air over her head.

Rob took a step toward her. "Do you do everything Dakota says?" He smiled.

Kristen raised her eyebrows at him. "No," she said slowly, surveying the space between them.

"Well, I think you do," he said. He took another step toward her. He was only inches away now and she could smell the familiar, musky scent of his cologne.

"Well, I don't," she replied.

He smiled and looked at her, admiring how beautiful she is. "You know," he said. "I would really like for you to spend the night with me."

Kristen giggled. "Would you really like that, Rob?" she asked, mimicking him.

Rob bit his lip. "Yes. I would _really_ fucking like it."

Kristen took a deep breath. She felt extremely drunk and the idea of going home with Rob was very appealing. But then, Dakota popped into her head and their moments together only a few nights ago in her bed.

"Well, we'll have to see about that," she said.

"C'mon, why not? What else have you got to do?"

Kristen looked up at him, her eyes dragging across his face – his chiselled jaw line, dark lips, his scruffy chin. He really was quite good looking.

"I'm not that kind of girl," she said, taking a final drag off her cigarette.

"Oh, fuck off," he said, tossing his cigarette onto the street. "You and I both know you fucking are," he grabbed her waist and laughed. Kristen yelped and pulled away, hiding a smile.

"You're just trying to take advantage of me because I'm drunk," she said.

"Is that what you think of me?" he asked, smiling.

She looked at him for a moment. "Take me on a date," she said.

"A date? Right now?" he asked, surprised.

"No. Tomorrow. Take me on a date tomorrow and then we'll see."

"Oh, I see," Rob said, opening the door for them. "Now you want to go on a date. Before it was all fun and games, but now…"

She shoved him playfully. "Shut up. Are you going to take me out or what?"

"Alright," he said. "I will take you out on a date. But I have to warn you about something," he added.

"Oh, what's that?" Kristen asked.

"It may be the _best_ date you've ever been on." He smiled.

Kristen rolled her eyes. "I'll be the judge of that."

They both laughed as they got back to the table, sitting down. Rob leaned into her and whispered in her ear "You're driving me absolutely mad, do you know that?"

Kristen kept a straight face, looking over at him. "Yes," she said, flicking her eyebrows and biting her lip softly, letting it slide out from under her teeth, before turning away from him and chatting with the person next to her.

Rob sat back, a crooked smile on his face. He shook his head, laughing to himself, before getting up to grab another beer. By the time he got back from the crowded bar area, Kristen was gone. He grabbed his phone to message her, but noticed she had beaten him to it:

Kristen: Had to go. I'm serious about the date. Pick somewhere nice. Call me tomorrow xx –K

Rob took a deep breath, shoving his phone back into his pocket and continuing the rest of the night, his thoughts constantly filled with Kristen.

The next afternoon, Rob had another text from Kristen.

Kristen: Hey you. I had fun last night – feeling a little rough today though. Ugh! But, I have to cancel our "date" tonight. Sorry Have to reshoot some stuff…fucking sucks. I'm having people over tomorrow though. You better be there. Bring whoever. I'll call you. Xo –K

Rob sighed, running his hands through his hair. He was beginning to think that maybe him and Kristen were finally going to get things going between us, but she was apt to blow him off like this. But, what could he do? She had to work, and he understood that. He wrote back quickly:

Rob: No worries. Rain check? I'll be over tomorrow, and I'll bring half of L.A. Hope you have room.

She replied a few minutes later.

Kristen: Ha. Yeah right. You have like 3 friends…and I'm one of them.

Rob: Bitch.

Kristen:

Rob: Sorry, that was harsh. I'm just bitter cuz it's true haha. Talk to you later.

Kristen: Can't wait. ;)

Rob put his phone back in his pocket, threw a cap over his messy hair, and sauntered out the door, feeling rather pleased with himself.

Later that night, Rob was surprised when he heard a knock at his door. He opened it, a smile instantly spreading across his face.

"Hello," he said.

Kristen smiled. "Hi," she said softly.

They moved inside and went into the living room.

"To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" Rob asked.

"I got off early. And I felt bad about cancelling our date, or whatever, so I thought I'd drop by and…"

"And what?" Rob asked.

Kristen looked up at him, her heart beating fast. "Okay, so, I know we've, like, done this before, but I just thought maybe…" she moved toward him.

He looked at her, taking a deep breath. He leaned in and paused, waiting for a hesitation. But she met his lips quickly and they both wrapped their arms around each other. They were pressed so tightly against each other neither could hardly breathe. Rob picked her up and brought her to the sofa where they both laid down. Their breathing was heavy as they grabbed at each other. Kristen's heart raced but she suddenly felt like she had been punched in the stomach.

This is wrong, she thought. This is so wrong.

She kept thinking about Dakota, and how different this felt with Rob. He pressed his rough face against her neck and she pushed his shoulders back.

"W-wait, wait," she said, taking a deep breath.

"What?" he asked. "Am I hurting you?"

"No, it's not that. I…we…I think we should stop," she said.

"Why?" he asked quickly.

"This just…this is not why I came over."

"Yes it is," he replied, smirking.

Kristen shook her head. "No, no. Really. I just…I felt bad and I thought I would come hang out."

"And you honestly thought something like this wouldn't happen?"

Kristen shifted underneath him. She said nothing, feeling slightly embarrassed. Of course she knew this would happen. Of course this is why she came over. But now she felt so fucking guilty…

"I should go," she said quickly, shuffling to get out from under him. He looked at her, confused, and sat back. She got to her feet and adjusted herself. She looked over at him, running her hand through her hair. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"It's okay," Rob said coolly. "You don't need to explain."

Kristen took a deep breath. "I know I'm kind of…all over the place right now. I'm just trying to…figure some things out."

Rob nodded. "Well, I am always happy to see you," he said. "Whether we make out or not."

Kristen smiled weakly. "So yeah. Tomorrow. Having a party. You're still coming right?"

"Yes," Rob said. "Of course."

"Good. Okay. Well, I'll see you then," she said.

Rob nodded. "Goodnight Kristen," he said, a slightly tone of amusement in his voice.

"Goodnight," she said sweetly. She smiled at him and walked to the door. He followed her.

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss?" he asked.

"I think you've have enough kissing to last you the night," she said.

"You know," he said quickly. "I am beginning to miss those days before you left do _The Runaways_."

Kristen frowned. "And which days were those?" she asked.

"The days were you would sneak into my trailer and wait for me and I would sneak off set and we'd...well, you know…" he trailed off.

Kristen blushed, remembering. "Oh, _those_ days. Yeah, I don't do that anymore." She chuckled.

"May I ask why not?"

She looked at the ground and shuffled her feet. "Things are just…different now."

"Are they?"

She looked back up at him. "Yes," she said.

"Okay," he replied, nodding. "I get it. But, if you were to sneak in here and take all your clothes off and wait for me…well, I wouldn't be upset."

Kristen smacked his arm. "Shut up," she said. "I have to go now," she turned on her heels but he grabbed her arm, pulling her into a hug.

"You really do drive me mad," he said, kissing her forehead.

"I'm not trying to," she said weakly.

He laughed. "Yes you are," he replied.

She looked up at him, hiding a smile.

"But I don't so much mind it, really," he said. "Because I'd rather have you drive _me_ mad rather than someone else," he smirked.

Kristen swallowed hard, smiling to cover up the feeling of guilt that rushed over her again. "You're weird," she said, pulling away.

"Call me, yeah?" Rob said as she opened the door.

Kristen nodded, smiling slightly, before stepping out the door and shutting it behind her.

She was in way over her head and trying way to hard to keep afloat. She shook her head, pulling out a cigarette and got into her car.

Whatever, she thought. This is all purely casual.

But somehow she knew that she may be playing with fire.


	3. I Choose You

The house was packed – filled with some people Kristen knew, and many she didn't. She was talking with Rob for most of the night and he would nonchalantly slip his hand around her waist, and speak so low that Kristen had to lean in to hear him. She swore he did this on purpose. After a little while, she realized she hadn't seen Dakota in what felt like hours and so she went to look for her. She peaked around in every room but couldn't find Dakota anywhere. She slipped up the stairs and saw the guest room light was on. She knocked softly, then pushed it open to see Dakota sitting on the end of the bed, her head in her hands.

"Dakota?" Kristen said softly, a knot forming in her stomach.

Dakota looked up at her, her make-up smeared under her eyes. The look on her face nearly broke Kristen's heart.

"Why are you…" Kristen said, taking a step toward her. "Who did this to you? Who made you cry? I'll fucking kill him. Whoever it was, I will rip his throat out!"

"N-no. It wasn't a boy," Dakota said, sniffling. Her throat hurt from crying and she could barely get the words out.

"Then what? Did someone say something to you? I'll throw the bitch out, I swear!" Kristen said through gritted teeth.

"No, Kristen," Dakota said. "It wasn't that."

"Then what is it? Tell me," Kristen said, looking at Dakota's sad face.

Dakota took a deep, stuttering breath. She shook her head softly, looking down at her hands.

"Tell me. Please," Kristen said again, crouching down in front of her.

Dakota slowly looked into Kristen's face, her chest aching. "It was you," she said, so quietly Kristen almost couldn't hear her.

"What?" Kristen asked, confused.

"It was you," Dakota repeated, and her shoulder shook as she began to cry again.

"M-me?" Kristen said, standing up. "What did I do? What did I say?" There was panic in her voice.

"Nothing. It's nothing. I'm just being a stupid girl," Dakota replied quickly, wiping her cheeks.

Kristen stood there, looking down at Dakota. "What did I do?" she asked again.

"Don't. Please. I'm fine. See?" Dakota said, forcing a smile across her face.

Kristen placed her hand softly on Dakota's cheek. "I don't want to hurt you," she said.

There was a moment of intense quiet between them.

"Then let me go," Dakota whispered.

Kristen's throat tightened and she swallowed hard, feeling sick. "No," she said. "I can't."

"Well, you can't have us both," Dakota answered sternly. "You just can't."

"What do you mean?" Kristen asked, even though she knew exactly what Dakota was talking about.

"I see the way he looks at you. The way he touches you all the time and you just…let him. And I'm right _there_," she paused for a moment. "I know you and him have…a thing. Or at least you did. But…what happened between us…what's _still_ happening between us…I mean, you can't just pretend it's not there."

Kristen was quiet for a moment. Dakota didn't know what was going on between her and Rob. Given, it was a lot more innocent than it had in the past, but that didn't make it any more okay. "What are you saying?" she asked slowly.

"I'm saying that if you don't want to be with me, then let me go."

"Dakota," Kristen said softly.

"If you want to be with him," she said with a slight tone of jealousy. "Then, we can do this anymore."

"Are you asking me to choose between you and Rob?" Kristen asked.

Dakota stared at her for a moment, feeling the heat in her cheeks.

"I'm asking you to make things right," Dakota replied. She took a deep breath and stood up. She was inches away from Kristen and she paused, just looking at her.

Kristen reached out instinctively as Dakota turned to walk away. She grabbed her arm and Dakota stopped, turning her head slowly to look back.

"I choose you," Kristen said softly. She cleared her throat. "I choose you," she said again.

A smile crept across Dakota's face and she took a step toward her, pulling her into a hug.

"Are you sure?" she whispered.

"Yes," Kristen said without hesitation. "Yes, I pick you Dakota. I'll always pick you."

Dakota pulled back to look at Kristen, scanning her face. Her eyes draped across her rosy cheeks, slender nose, perfect lips. She finally held her glare on Kristen's glassy, emerald eyes. "You can take your time," she said. "I just needed to know."

Kristen nodded, glancing away for a moment, before dragging her eyes back to Dakota's soft baby blues.

"I-I love you," Kristen said softly. "You know that right?"

Dakota nodded. "Yes," she said in her soft, feminine way. "I love you too."

Kristen placed her lips gently against Dakota's neck. Dakota bit her bottom lip, the sensation sending goosebumps up her arms.

"I'm sorry," Kristen whispered. "For making you cry."

"Shh," Dakota replied. "Just kiss me."

And so she did.

/

"What the fuck do you mean, you can't do this anymore?" Rob asked, his accent thick.

"I just…I can't…_do_ this. I can't keep doing this with you," Kristen replied.

"Do what, exactly Kristen? Sleep with me and then pretend it never happened?"

Kristen clenched her jaw. "Don't. Please can we be adults about this?"

"Do you want more? Because I can give you more. I can give you anything you want," Rob said, his tone changing from angry to desperate.

"No," Kristen said. She flinched at the look that brought to Rob's face. "It's not that. It's just…"

"There's someone else," Rob mused.

Kristen looked at him quickly. "No," she said.

"You're an awful liar," Rob said. "Who is he?"

"No one. There isn't another guy," Kristen explained. Well, at least that part was true.

"I don't believe you. Why would you want to end this? I thought we were…I mean, don't you feel this?" He put his hand out toward her.

Kristen took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. "Rob, please. You have to understand. It's not that I don't like you. I do, honestly. But…I just…we're too…"

"Okay," he said. "Okay. I get it. I don't want to hear anymore about this. We're done, then? We're through?"

Kristen looked at him, feeling the sting in her eyes. She blinked, fighting back tears. She hated the look on his face, hated that she brought it to him. "Yes," she said softly.

"Alright. Fine. But I want you to know, Kristen Stewart, that you're breaking my heart." He looked at her one last time, before getting up and storming off, his shoulders hunched, hands in his pockets.

Kristen gasped slightly, sucking in a stuttered breath as she watched him walk away. She didn't think it would be this hard, but it felt like something inside her had been ripped out and thrown away. But she knew, that as much as this was hurting both of them right now, she had only been hurting him more the whole time.


	4. Tonight

Kristen called Dakota on her way home, trying to sound calm.

"Can I come over? Please?" she begging, her voice breaking.

"Yeah, sure. My parents are home, but they won't mind. What's wrong?" Dakota replied.

Kristen took a deep breath. "I just…I need to see you. I'll explain everything when I get there."

Kristen pulled into the driveway and looked at herself in the rear view mirror, wiping mascara from under her eyes. She sauntered up to the house, her dark sunglasses hiding her red eyes, hood over her head. Dakota answered and ushered her in and up to her room.

Kristen looked around for a moment, taking off her sunglasses and letting them dangle around her collar. She sat down on the edge of the bed and Dakota sat next to her. The look on Kristen's face nearly broke her heart – she knew she had been crying.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly.

Kristen looked down at her hands. "I, uh, I talked to Rob today. And I know you don't want to hear about this but, you're my best friend and I just need to talk to you about it," she paused, looking up at Dakota who had this familiar, serious look on her face. "Anyway," she continued. "I obviously told him we couldn't see each other anymore, you know, that we are just friends and he…well, he wasn't happy."

Dakota nodded slowly. "What did he say?"

Kristen sighed. "He told me I…he said…" she stuttered as the words echoed in her head. "He said I am breaking his heart."

Dakota flexed her jaw. She felt jealous at his reaction, but at the same time she knew this was hurting Kristen. She knew Kristen didn't like to hurt other people, but something inside of her still made her feel happy that this had happened. She put her hand on Kristen's shoulder.

"It's okay. He'll forgive you," she said.

"What if he doesn't? What if he hates me forever?" Kristen asked, nervously.

"No one could hate you, Kristen," Dakota replied softly.

Kristen took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. She looked over at Dakota and without thinking, wrapped her arms around her, holding her tight.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I just…this is fucked up, you know?"

Dakota said nothing and just hugged Kristen back.

Kristen pulled back slightly, scanning Dakota's face. She leaned in and kissed her softly, the feeling of which made her feel a little better.

Dakota pulled away quickly. "My parents…" she said quietly, slightly embarrassed.

Kristen nodded, looking down at their hands. "Are they really gonna come barging in here at any moment?" she smiled slightly.

Dakota shrugged. "No," she said honestly.

Kristen looked back at Dakota and leaned in, pressing their lips together once more. Dakota didn't resist this time and she felt herself reclining, enjoying the weight of Kristen's body against her. Kristen kissed Dakota, and with each moment she felt more and more relaxed, as if all her sadness was being washed away. She pulled back for a moment and smiled down at Dakota's innocent face.

"I love you," she said quickly.

Dakota smiled. "I love you too," she replied.

Kristen just looked at her for a moment, feeling an overwhelming sense of affection toward her. She bent down, pressing her smile against Dakota's lips, and they just laid there for a while, kissing, letting their hands slowly trace circles on each other's bodies.

"I think I'm ready," Dakota whispered suddenly.

Kristen frowned. "For what?" she asked, her cheeks feeling hot.

"For this. For us to be…together," she said slowly.

Kristen bit her lip, her eyes studying the expression on Dakota's face, looking for any signs of hesitation.

"Are you, uh, are you sure?" Kristen asked.

Dakota nodded slowly, wrapping her leg around Kristen's. "Yes," she said, kissing Kristen's neck.

A shiver shot up Kristen's body and she felt goosebumps form on her arms. She kissed Dakota hard, pulling her closely against her. Their kissing became urgent and Dakota pressed her hands against Kristen's body, discovering new places. Kristen moaned and grinded her hips against Dakota libidinously. Her hand slid down Dakota's stomach, reaching into her pants, about to show Dakota how much she wanted her when there was a knock on the door that startled them both, and Dakota leapt away from Kristen quickly.

"Yes?" Dakota said, trying to sound like she hadn't just been interrupted.

"I am just wondering if you two are hungry, I was going to make some lunch," Dakota's mother said through the door.

Kristen looked at Dakota and shrugged, smiling coyly.

"Uh, no we're okay. We'll be down in a little bit."

"Okay," her mom said and they could hear her walk back down the hall.

"Oh my god," Dakota said. "I just had a heart attack."

"Would she mind so much that you are hooking up with someone, or that you're hooking up with me?" Kristen asked, slightly amused.

Dakota looked at her for a moment, thinking. "A little bit of both, I think," she said.

Kristen nodded and pulled Dakota back down towards her.

"Now, where were we…" she said, kissing her.

"I don't think this is such a good idea," Dakota said, pulling away.

Kristen bit her lip, sighing. "Fuuuuuck," she groaned, flopping back on the bed.

"It's just…what if someone came _in_," Dakota whispered.

Kristen looked over at her. "I know, I know. I just…god, I just want you so bad now."

Dakota blushed. "I know. Me too. But, not here. Not now. Later, tonight maybe? I'll come to your place and no one else will be there…it will just be you and me…" she smiled suggestively.

Kristen flicked her eyebrows. "Yeah?" she said.

Dakota nodded, leaning in and kissing Kristen softly. "Tonight," she said again, before moving away and standing up.

Kristen looked Dakota up and down, a smile spreading across her face. "It's a date," she said, rolling off the bed and following her downstairs, toward her completely oblivious family.

**A/N: side note, I've changed my Pen Name to: Neon Blur. Just a heads up. Thanks for reading! Please review! :)**


	5. Perfect

Kristen wanted this to be perfect. She wasn't really the romantic type, but she wanted Dakota to feel relaxed and know that she meant a lot to her. She strategically placed candles around the room, and put fresh sheets on the bed. She tidied up the whole house, put some good music on a playlist, and waited for Dakota to call.

Finally her phone buzzed next to her and she grabbed it quickly, her heart racing.

"Hello?" she said, hoping she didn't sound too anxious.

"Hi," Dakota said. "What, uh, what are you doing?"

Kristen smiled. "Waiting for you."

Dakota laughed. "Okay. Good. Yeah, well I think I can come over now if that's okay?"

"Yes. Come over. I, uh, I'm not doing anything."

There was an awkward tension then as they both had the same though about what was going to happen.

"Okay. Well, then I'll see you soon?"

"Can't wait," Kristen said, and she hung up the phone. She flung herself across the living room, racing up the stairs and lighting all the candles. She sat on her bed, not wanting to leave them unattended, and waited to hear the doorbell ring. When it finally did, she jumped up excitedly and ran back down the stairs, swinging the door open. Her face fell as soon as she saw who was on the other side.

"Rob!" she exclaimed. "W-what the fuck are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I just, I had to see you again. After everything that happened earlier, I just…I can't stop thinking about it," he said slowly.

Kristen looked past him out on to the street. "This is, like, a really bad time," she said quickly.

He looked at her, scanning her face. "Is someone coming over?" he asked suspiciously.

"Uh, yeah," Kristen said. "Dakota is. She's, uh, she's really upset about something and I told her to come over to talk and she'll be here any minute. I'm really sorry, Rob. I just, I can't do this right now. Can I please call you tomorrow or something?" she was getting more anxious every second, terrified that Dakota would show up and Rob would be standing there in her doorway.

Rob sighed, deafeated. "Promise you'll call tomorrow?" he said.

Kristen nodded. "Yeah, I promise. Tomorrow," she said, smiling weakily.

Rob looked at her for a moment before turning around and walking back across the street, into his car and zooming off. Kristen sighed in relief and shut the door again. She sat on the end of the stairs, feeling jittery. Moments later she saw lights in the driveway and her heart raced. She opened the door and saw Dakota walking toward her, grinning.

"Hi," she said, getting closer.

Kristen smiled wide. "Hi there," she said. Dakota hugged her as she walked through the door. She was very nervous and she hoped it didn't show. She could feel her hands shaking slightly and she took a deep breath.

"What's up?" she said awkwardly. They both laughed.

"Come, I want to show you something," Kristen said, pulling Dakota up the stairs. She pushed open the door to her room and heard Dakota gasp slightly.

"Oh my god, Kristen," she said. "It looks so cute!"

Kristen smiled. "I wanted it to be perfect," she said.

Dakota blushed and she put her arms around Kristen's neck, hugging her. Kristen put her hands on Dakota's hip, taking a deep breath. They pulled back and Kristen looked at Dakota, noticing how pretty she looked in the soft glow of the candles. She leaned in and kissed her softly, waiting for an indication to take it further. Dakota pulled Kristen closer, losing herself in the moment. They made their way toward the bed and Kristen sat down, pulling Dakota on top of her. They kissed for a while, and Kristen suddenly pulled away.

"What?" Dakota said, noticing the look on Kristen's face.

"I forgot something," Kristen said. She got up and skipped across the room, stumbling over a pair of shoes. She laughed, blushing slightly, and flicked on her stereo. She clicked play on her iPod and a soft, familiar song filled the room.

"I like this song," Dakota said.

"I know. That's why I put it on," Kristen said, lying back down next to her.

They kissed again, their hands travelling up and down each other's body. Kristen kissed Dakota's neck, nipping at her skin.

"You're sure about this, right?" she whispered in her ear.

Dakota nodded. "Yes," she breathed, kissing Kristen aggressively, pulling her on top.

They stripped each other's clothes off piece by piece and Kristen swore she had never wanted anything so bad in her entire life. Her hand crept down Dakota's stomach and she watched her nervous face as she closed her eyes and waited for Kristen's unfamiliar touch.

She squirmed underneath Kristen as everything seemed to come to a stop, and the only thing she could hear was Kristen's heavy breathing. This feeling was unbelievable, she thought. No wonder people are obsessed with this.

Kristen was delicate and gentle. She watched the expression on Dakota's face and she swore her hear was going to jump right out of her chest. Her hands were shaking as she touched Dakota, making her feel infinite. Dakota bit her lip, grabbing Kristen's forearm and let out the most perfect, soft moan, sucking in a deep breath, her whole body relaxing instantly. Kristen smiled and kissed Dakota, retreating her hand and holding Dakota close to her.

"Holy shit," Dakota said. Kristen laughed, not used to hearing her swear.

"Feels good, huh?" Kristen said, rolling over beside her and brushing the hair away from her face.

"Feels fucking amazing," Dakota said, a smile on her face.

Kristen glanced over at Dakota's rosy cheeks and she traced her finger along them, slowly travelling over her lips, down her neck, along her chest and finally resting on her stomach.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Dakota whispered.

Kristen smiled, nodding.

"I've never…felt like that before," Dakota said slowly.

Kristen flicked her eyebrows. "Felt like what?" she asked, playing dumb.

Dakota looked away for a moment, slightly embarrassed. "You know, like, how you made me feel. Just now."

A coy smile played on Kristen's mouth. "You mean, an orgasm," she said.

Dakota nodded slowly.

Kristen raised her eyebrows. "Really?" she said.

"Well, I've never, you know, been with anyone like this before…" Dakota said, trailing off.

"You don't need to be _with_ someone to have an orgasm," Kristen said laughing. "You can…you know, do it all by yourself."

Dakota felt her face get very hot, and she covered it with her hands.

"You've never done that either?" Kristen asked, propping herself up on her elbow, looking down at Dakota.

Dakota shook her head, slowly lifting her hands away from her face.

"Huh," Kristen said, lying back down. She stared up at the ceiling.

"Is that weird?" Dakota asked.

"No," Kristen said quickly. "No, it's not weird. It's…I just…I mean by now I just thought you would have…done that. Once or twice." She smiled to herself.

"Oh," Dakota said softly. "Well, I haven't."

"Okay," Kristen said. She rolled over and kissed Dakota. "You want to go again?" she asked, grinning.

Dakota giggled. "What about you? Maybe I should give you a shot."

Kristen flickered her eyebrows, biting her lip. "Well, we have all night," Kristen said, kissing Dakota, feeling like nothing else in the world mattered except the way this felt. Everything was perfect, she thought. She is perfect.


	6. Best Friends

"Dakota, hi. It's me again. You know, Kristen. You're best friend. Anyway, look, please call me back. Please? Okay. Bye."

This was the third or fourth voicemail Kristen had left for Dakota. Either she was ignoring her, or something was wrong. Kristen didn't like either option.

Everything had gone so smoothly the other night. At least, that's what she thought. They stayed awake for hours afterward, just talking and laughing. It was perfect – just like she had always imagined. And it's not like either of them were jumping down the other's throat to start dating or anything. It was just something that happened, and Kristen didn't know what was making Dakota so stand-offish with her.

Dakota stared at her phone as it rang, just glaring at the little voicemail symbol. She picked it up, listened to the message, and deleted it. She didn't know why she was ignoring Kristen, but she just felt very strange. She wasn't sure if she regretted having sex with her, but there was something that made her anxious about the whole thing. Sure, she had fun, and it was nice, but now everything felt different. She tried to decide if this was normal, that this was how everyone felt when they had sex for the first time, but something told her it was not normal. But, she felt bad because Kristen was her friend, and she cared about her a lot, but she just didn't know what to say to her now. Were things going to be different?

Finally, she caved. She knew she couldn't keep this up with Kristen for any longer. She picked up her phone and dialled her number.

"Oh good, you're alive," Kristen said, answering quickly.

Dakota forced an awkward laugh. "Yeah. Sorry. I've been…busy."

"Doing what exactly?" Kristen asked. There was an edge to her voice.

"Stuff. I dunno. I'm sorry."

"Why are you being weird? Did I do something or say something?"

Dakota sighed. "No. I just…I feel weird, after what happened the other night."

Kristen's heart pounded anxiously in her chest. "What do you mean? I had the best time. I mean, it was just as I always imagined."

"I-I know. It's just…am I supposed to feel like this after?"

"Feel like what?"

"Scared."

Kristen smiled to herself. "What are you scared of?"

"Scared that this is gonna change everything. It changed everything with you and Rob. And I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want to lose our friendship."

"Dakota," Kristen said softly. "Don't compare us to me and Rob. It's totally different. I don't want you to feel afraid to be close with me. I thought what happened the other night was…special," she laughed slightly. "Sorry, that was really cheesy."

Dakota smiled. "It was special. I just don't want things to be weird now."

"It's not weird! You're making it weird," Kristen said. "All I want is to see you again. And, look, if you don't want to do that again, if you don't wanna fool around anymore, that's okay! I just want my best friend back."

Dakota sighed again. "Okay. I'm sorry, really. I'm just trying to figure it all out."

"Why don't you come over later, we'll hang out and watch a movie or something."

"Okay," Dakota replied softly. "I'll be over later."

Later that evening, Kristen sat next to Dakota on the couch, trying to focus on the movie. Dakota was curled up against the arm of the couch, and she could feel Kristen's eyes on her.

"Stop it," she said, smiling slightly.

"What?" Kristen asked, looking back at the TV screen.

"You're looking at me," Dakota replied.

"Am not," Kristen argued.

Dakota kicked Kristen softly. Kristen laughed and leaned over against Dakota.

"You can't tell me you aren't sitting there thinking the exact same thing I am," she said coyly.

Dakota looked over at Kristen. "I'm not," she said defiantly.

Kristen slid her hand up Dakota's leg. "How 'bout now?" she asked.

Dakota put her hand on top of Kristen's, holding it in place. "Stop trying to get into my pants," she said, sitting up.

Kristen scanned her face and saw a hint of a smile on it. "This movie isn't even any good," she said, her eyes locked on Dakota.

"I kind of like it," Dakota said.

"I kind of like _you_," Kristen replied quickly, leaning in and kissing Dakota.

Dakota thought about resisting at first, but she really did love the way Kristen kissed her, the way she knew exactly what she was doing. Kristen crawled on top of Dakota, and they kissed for a while, running their hands through each other's hair, letting them float down and touch each other's skin. Kristen felt triumphant as she looked down at Dakota's flushed face and she kissed her again.

Kristen's hands slid down Dakota's torso, and she slipped her fingers down the front. Dakota's eyes shot open and she grabbed Kristen's hand.

"What are you doing?" Dakota asked quickly.

Kristen was surprised by this reaction. "You know what I'm doing," she said, smiling coyly.

Dakota took a deep breath. "I think this is too fast," she said, squirming slightly under Kristen.

"Oh," Kristen replied, sitting up. She felt her face get hot, and she looked away.

"I just think that maybe we should slow down for a little while, get back to how it used to be," Dakota said.

Kristen frowned, biting her lip. "How it used to be? Dakota, it's never been any different than this. We're just acting on it now. I mean, we've had this heat between us for a while now."

Dakota sighed. "I know, but it's just I feel weird now."

"Why?" Kristen asked.

"Because I just…this is weird. This is like a whole new part of myself and I don't really know what to do."

Kristen closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. She looked over at Dakota. "We're best friends, right?" she said.

Dakota nodded.

"Okay, so then what's the problem? Don't you like this?"

Dakota shrugged. "I mean, yeah I do. I like being with you but it's a little much sometimes for me to handle. Like, the sex and…the secrecy of it all."

Kristen nodded. "Oh, that's that this is about. You feel weird because now we are officially sneaking around?"

Dakota grimaced. "I don't know, Kristen. I just feel weird, okay?" she sighed and covered her face with her hands.

"Okay," Kristen said. "It's okay. I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel weird. We don't have to do this anymore. We can just be friends. Like before."

Dakota peered over at Kristen through her fingers. "Really?"

"Really," Kristen answered. "But you have to promise me one thing," she said.

"What?" Dakota asked, putting her hands in her lap.

"You can't come over here, looking all cute and sexy. Because that's going to be torture."

Dakota laughed. "I'm not being cute and sexy!" She put her hand on her chest, smiling innocently.

Kristen leaned in. "See, that right there? That's being cute and sexy. None of that anymore."

Dakota sighed, smiling slightly, and nodded her head. "Okay. I'll try to be not cute and not sexy."

"Thank you," Kristen said, smirking. She looked over at Dakota for a moment, before dragging her eyes back to the TV screen. She took a deep breath and quietly exhaled, as a familiar feeling creeping over her. Sadness? Frustration? No.

Disappointment. She was beginning to think that maybe this thing with Dakota was going somewhere, but now she knew that it had been a fantasy all along.


	7. Buckle Up

Kristen could barely stand still, and her eyes kept wandering over to Dakota. Ever since they decided to go back to being "just friends," it's been like a slow torture. Not an hour went by that Kristen didn't think about Dakota at least a hundred times. And with their strange schedules, they rarely got to see each other off set. Even the moments they had together on set were strained, as if they were both trying to avoid the huge elephant in the room. Kristen could barely stand it sometimes, and had to excuse herself to grab some fresh air. Of course, Dakota always noticed. But then again, so did Rob.

"Hey," Rob said, catching up with Kristen as she marched off set between scenes.

Kristen glanced over at him, fumbling with her pack of cigarettes.

"Hi," she mumbled, tossing a cigarette in her mouth and lighting it. She exhaled quickly, cutting around the trailers.

"What's going on with you? I mean, things have been really fucking weird lately, haven't you noticed?"

"No, I haven't noticed," Kristen said, indicating she wasn't in any mood to discuss it.

"Something's going on," he said. "Kris, come on. I _know_ you. Something's up."

Kristen looked at him for a moment, exhaling in his face. "Really, it's nothing."

Rob sighed, taking the cigarette from Kristen's fingers and putting it to his mouth, inhaling. He passed it back to her and exhaled into the hair over their heads.

"Alright then," he said. "If you say so."

Kristen nodded, looking out in front of them at nothing in particular.

"Can I tell you something?" Rob said, breaking the silence.

Kristen raised her eyebrows. "What?"

"I really miss you," he said softly, smiling in his familiar way that made Kristen's heart flutter slightly.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head slightly.

"Please don't," she said.

"I _know_ you feel the same way," he said moving closer.

She swallowed hard. "Seriously, Rob. Don't do this. Not now. Please."

Rob frowned, pausing for a moment before moving away again. "Okay," he said. He looked at her for a moment and she avoided his gaze. He turned on his heels and walked away. She watched as he disappeared, and sighed, running her hand through her hair. Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?

Kristen sat in her car afterward for a moment, just sitting and stewing in the silence that surrounded her. She leaned forward and put her forehead on the wheel, sighing. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. She was startled by a knock on the passenger window and she looked over to see Dakota peering in, that innocent smile on her face. Kristen leaned over and opened the door.

"Hi," Dakota said sweetly, peering in. "Can I, uh, come in?"

Kristen smiled weakly. "Yeah, for sure."

Dakota climbed in and closed the door. "What's up?" she asked.

Kristen shrugged. She felt extremely awkward, which wasn't something she usually experienced around Dakota.

"I, uh, this is weird," Dakota said, laughing slightly.

Kristen smiled. "Yeah, it is, isn't it?"

"It shouldn't be. It never is," Dakota replied.

"I know. I just, uh, I guess we haven't been spending as much time with each other or something…I dunno," she said, shrugging again.

"Yeah, about that…" Dakota said. "I was hoping maybe we could hang out?"

Kristen clenched her jaw. "Uh, sure," she said even though a wave of panic washed over her. She couldn't just 'hang out' with Dakota. All these thoughts were constantly floating through her mind about how much she liked her, and being alone with her would only make it ten thousand times worse. She had to respect Dakota's wishes to just be friends, but that was the hardest fucking thing in the entire world right now.

"You sound hesitant," Dakota said softly.

"No, no, sorry I…yeah, totally. We should totally hang out," Kristen stuttered.

Dakota smiled to herself, looking down at her hands. "What do you wanna do?" she asked slowly.

A million inappropriate things ran through Kristen's head. "Uh, whatever. I'm up for anything," she replied.

Dakota looked over at Kristen, tilting her head slightly. "You're hiding something," she said.

Kristen raised her eyebrows. "What?"

"Kristen, I know you well enough to know what you are keeping something from me."

Kristen took a deep breath. "No, I don't know what you're talking about."

Dakota bit her lip, staring at Kristen, whose heart started beating so fast she thought she was going to go into a conniption.

Kristen looked away, gripping the wheel. She felt Dakota's hand crawl over her leg. She felt goosebumps travel up her arms and she closed her eyes for a minute, trying to fight the urge to kiss Dakota right then and there with all her might. Every second between them was always so intense and Kristen though she might explode if she didn't do something…anything.

She grabbed Dakota's hand and placed it gently back into Dakota's lap. She retreated her hand slowly, putting it back on the wheel.

Dakota frowned slightly, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Is that not okay?" she asked softly.

Kristen shook her head, unable to look over at Dakota just yet.

"Oh," Dakota replied, shifting in her seat.

"It's too much for me to handle," Kristen said.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm finding it hard enough to try not to react to just being in the same room as you, but when you touch me it's like I am fighting against every cell in my body in order to not react to that…"

Dakota was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry," she said.

"No, I'm sorry," Kristen said. "I fucked this all up."

"No you didn't," Dakota replied quickly. "I did. I let things get weird and I just…I don't know what to do."

Kristen finally looked over at Dakota and in that moment all she wanted to do was hold Dakota and tell her how she really felt. But something stopped her.

"It's okay. There's nothing to do. I mean…it is what it is, you know?"

Dakota looked at her and felt suddenly very uncomfortable. She felt like Kristen had put this wall up now, and that everything was slowly changing between them. She didn't want this to happen, but she didn't know if she could be what Kristen wanted her to be.

"Kristen, I…" she began, but trailed off.

Kristen studied the look on Dakota's face, trying to read it. "You what?" she asked.

Dakota shook her head.

"C'mon, tell me," Kristen said softly, turning to look at her.

"I'll never forgive myself if things fall apart because of what happened between us," Dakota said slowly, choosing her words carefully.

Kristen sighed. "What _happened_ between us? Dakota, it's still happening. We're just ignoring it. You know and I know it."

Dakota took a deep breath. "I just thought that we could make this back to how they use to be…"

Kristen shook her head. "I don't want to go back to how things used to be. Dakota, I-" she stopped herself before she finished the rest of that sentence. _I'm in love with you_, she said in her head. She sighed. "Things can't go back to that. The way we were before we did _The Runaways_, or the way things were before we had sex. All I know is that you're the only person who makes me feel like this. Every little thing that you do makes me like you so goddamn much that I can hardly contain it. And we're just trying to carry on in this stupid place that is just denying it. I see you looking at me the way I look at you. I know you feel this, I just know it." She took a breath, feeling anxious that she had finally let everything pour out of her mouth.

Dakota squeezed her eyes closed, trying to keep it together. She opened them again, peering over at Kristen's familiar face. "I'm just…scared," she said finally.

Kristen sighed. "Why? What are you afraid of?"

"Losing everything. This is such a huge thing. It's a huge thing between us, and it's a huge secret and how are we supposed to just go around…and you're 20 years old! I'm only 17 and I just…there's so many things that could fuck everything up. I just thought it would be easier to try and forget about it and just…be friends."

Kristen ran her hands through her hair. "I don't care about any of that. All I care about is you."

"What if everything gets fucked up…" Dakota said.

"Dakota, you're thinking about it too much. Just fucking tell me you feel the same way so I can stop feeling like an absolute tool."

Dakota looked over at her and then smiled. "Of course I do."

Kristen smiled for the first time in what felt like ages, and leaned over pulling Dakota into a hug.

"Damn it, Fanning," she said. "You absolutely kill me sometimes."

Dakota pushed her face against Kristen's neck. "I'm sorry," she said.

Kristen put her hands in Dakota's hair. She pulled back for a moment, her hands cupping Dakota's delicate face.

"Please can I kiss you?" she whispered.

Dakota nodded slowly and closed her eyes, feeling the warmness of Kristen's lips against her own, revelling in the feeling.

Kristen was so overwhelmed by the feeling of their closeness that she almost forgot where they were. She pulled back quickly and started the engine.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Dakota asked, slightly startled.

"We're going to my place," Kristen said, and she back out of the spot. "Buckle up, blondie," she added, winking playfully.


	8. Skinny Love

**6 months later**

In a way, they both knew this would come to an end. It was easy when they were working so closely together again, though things were different. Everything was a secret and the pressure of keeping things quiet quickly overcame the novelty of it. They were happy but there was something looming over their heads and everyday was another day closer to the end. Kristen had projects lined up and so did Dakota – and neither were located remotely close to one another. And as every moment passed, Kristen could feel the distance between them. They would be in the same room and Kristen missed Dakota. It was painful, but she knew deep down this couldn't last forever. She loved Dakota with all her heart but this couldn't be forever. It just couldn't.

Dakota could feel the tension between them as well. She felt everything slipping away and couldn't stop thinking about the fact that they would be on opposite sides of the country for months at a time. What made it worse was the fact that Kristen and Rob seemed to be getting a little too cozy lately and Dakota looked at them with distain and jealousy. She didn't like the way Rob always leaned in so close to talk to her, or the playful smile Kristen would get when he said something charming. She couldn't compete with him – nor did she want to. Of course, Dakota knew that Kristen loved her but she was never really sure how much or what it truly meant. Was she _in love_ with her? Or was she just in the love with the idea of her? Sometimes it was hard to figure out the difference. But even though Dakota had been so hesitant before, now she knew that as every second passed, she was falling more and more for Kristen. And it just about killed her to realize that this might not last.

"So," Kristen said nonchalantly as she lit a cigarette.

"So," Dakota repeated, leaning back in her chair. She looked away for a moment and around Kristen's backyard. It wasn't anything special, but it was nice; comforting.

"I guess we wrap filming next week, huh?" Kristen said, taking a long drag.

Dakota nodded. "Yup," she said. She felt a tingling feeling in her stomach.

"What, uh, do you think?"

"About what?"

"About being done."

"It sucks, I guess. I mean, wrapping a movie is always kind of sad."

Kristen smiled. "Yeah. But, I mean what do you think about us?"

Dakota took a deep breath. She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. "I don't know, really. I guess we'll just have to see what happens."

Kristen nodded. "You think, uh, we should keep things going, you know, while we're both away and everything?"

Dakota shrugged, trying to play it cool even though it felt like her heart was self-imploding. "We could."

Kristen took another long drag on her cigarette, looking out across the grass. "Well, you know I really like you Dakota. I mean, you're my best friend and this thing, whatever it is, has been really fun. I mean, I really like being with you," she looked back over at Dakota. "But, I think it's gonna be really hard, you know, when we're far away from each other for so long. And, maybe, I dunno, maybe we should put things on pause for a little while. Do our own thing and then see what happens when we're both back in L.A."

Dakota swallowed hard, trying to eradicate the awful lump that was scratching at her throat.

"Yeah," she said. "Yeah I can see that would make sense."

Kristen leaned over, placing her hand on Dakota's arm. "You know I love you, right? You're my best friend."

Dakota nodded. _Best friends_, she thought. _With benefits._

Kristen couldn't believe how calmly these words were coming out of her mouth. It was almost heartbreaking to be sitting there, next to Dakota, breaking up with her when she spent so much time pining over her. But she knew this is how it had to be. This was the only way she knew how to make things right – she wanted to end it while it was good instead of letting everything just fade away.

They sat there quietly for a moment and Dakota felt that overwhelming feeling flood her. Her eyes began to sting and she tried so hard to fight it back. She looked away, over her shoulder, so that Kristen couldn't see, and wiped her eyes.

"Shit," Kristen said under her breath, stubbing her cigarette out and standing up. She kneeled down in front of Dakota, placing her hands on her knees.

"Please don't cry," she said softly. "You know I don't want to do this but it's just the only thing that makes sense. This was so much fun but you and I both know…I mean…this can't be forever, right?"

Dakota nodded, clenching her jaw, trying so hard to keep it together.

"I know," she said quietly. "This was just for fun. This was just an…experiment," the word tasted wrong on her tongue, but she knew it was the truth.

"It's not like, you know, we won't see each other anymore," Kristen said. "That's the last thing I want from this. I honestly can't imagine my life without you, but maybe this whole…sex thing between us is just, you know, something that happened naturally. I mean, look at Joan and Cherie! They're still friends."

"They didn't talk for 20 years," Dakota replied quickly.

"Okay, okay. But, that was different. I mean you and I…we're in a good place right now. I just think it's better and, uh, more mature to kind of take a step back you know? Focus on our careers, or whatever."

Dakota sighed. "Okay. Yeah. You're right."

Kristen leaned in closer to Dakota, their eyes locked. A shiver shot up Dakota's spine and she forced a smile across her innocent face.

Kristen looked up at her for one more moment, before standing up. She reached out her hand. "C'mon," she said. "I'll take you home."

The last day of filming came faster than either of them expected. Everyone gathered around, reminiscing, laughing, sharing moments with each other that they would never forget. Kristen and Dakota kept exchanging this look that was a mixture of both pain and comfort. So many things were being left unsaid, but neither of them quite knew how to put it into words. And so, it hung over them like a cloud waiting for the right moment to rain. Kristen walked over to Dakota, her heart racing inside her chest. She had a flight to catch in the morning and this would be their last time together for what felt like an eternity. She wanted to pick Dakota up and twirl her around, much like she did on the first day they saw each other again, but things were different now. Dakota watched as Kristen sauntered over, that familiar walk of hers almost painful to watch now. She had become so familiar to it, but now she studied it intricately, as if it were the only thing she had left in the world. Kristen stood in front of her, a meek smile on her peachy lips.

"Well, blondie," she said. "I guess this is it, huh?"

Dakota nodded slowly.

Kristen inched closer, putting her arms around Dakota's neck, pulling her close. She buried her face in Dakota's neck, taking a deep breath, memorizing the way she smelt. Dakota's arms instantly slid around Kristen's waist and she shut her eyes, trying to stay in this moment fully and completely.

"I'll miss you," Dakota said softly.

Kristen smiled, kissing Dakota's neck discreetly. "I'll miss you too."

Dakota pulled away then, unsure if she could handle one more moment this close to her. They looked at each other, both trying to say so much with just their eyes. Kristen's hands dropped by her side and she took a deep breath.

"I feel like a Bon Iver song right now," Kristen said, laughing slightly.

Dakota smirked. "Which one?"

"The saddest one," Kristen replied. She bit her lip slightly.

Dakota looked at the ground. "Call me when you land?" she asked, looking back up.

Kristen nodded. "Of course," she said.

"Bye, Kristen," Dakota said softly, her voice breaking.

"Bye, Dakota," Kristen replied. She touched her finger softly against Dakota's face before stepping away, turning around and walking away. She didn't cry until she got home.

Several months flew by and both of them were deeply drawn into their own busy schedules. But not a day passed that either of them didn't think of the other. Some were worse than others, but they found that as time went on, the pain eased slightly. At first they spoke regularly, but now it was only once in a while. A few text messages here and there, a few emails. Dakota had almost forgotten the sound of Kristen's voice, and sometimes wanted to call just to be reminded. It was getting easier to resist, but Kristen was still the last thing she thought of at night and the first thing in the morning.

Dakota's phone buzzed beside her and she stirred, looking at it groggily. It was a picture message from her sister. She opened it, squinting at the image on her tiny screen. It was a picture of the cover of a tabloid featuring Kristen and Rob looking extremely close.

"What is this?" Dakota replied quickly.

"Check your email," Elle replied.

Dakota groaned and leaned over her bed, grabbing her laptop. She flipped it open and scrolled through her inbox, clicking on the link Elle had just sent. It was a blow up of the picture and a brief article underneath.

"_Hollywood starlet _Kristen Stewart_ was seen canoodling with on-again, off-again boyfriend _Rob Pattinson_ recently in London. Perhaps the two have rekindled their romance?_"

Dakota grimaced and she stared at the photo. Kristen was leaning into him, saying something in his ear. Rob had a coy smile on his face and his hand delicately place on the small of her back. Dakota, who wasn't one to snoop around the tabloids, was instantly jealous. _How could she?_ She thought. _How could she do this?_

She decided not to jump to any conclusions. After all, these magazines were infamous for photoshopping photos, or capturing innocent moments and making them into something they're not. But Dakota knew the effect Rob had on Kristen, and especially now that she and her were no longer together, there was no reason for her to resist his charms. She wanted to call her instantly, yell at her, ask her what the hell she was doing but she knew that it wasn't her place. She had to let it go. She had to move on. But something deep down in the pit of her stomach made her feel like she never truly ever could.


	9. Why Now?

**1 year later**

Dakota hadn't spoken to Kristen in a year. She had ignored all her texts, her emails, her phone calls ever since it became official that she and Rob were together. It was everywhere she looked – on TV, across every magazine cover, on the radio…it was relentless. She wished neither of them were famous she they could both just drift apart and not have to see their lives splattered across every medium possible. It made her sick. But nothing prepared her for the moment that Kristen showed up at her door. Dakota gasped slightly when she first saw her again, in the flesh. There she was, her first love, just standing there in her doorway. She looked exactly the same, which felt like a punch in the stomach. Maybe if she had looked different, Dakota wouldn't have felt like this, wouldn't have felt so attracted to her still. But Kristen just stood there, in skinny jeans and a tshirt, her long, brown hair pushed back out of her face by her dark sunglasses. She stood with her hands in her pockets, rocking on her heels, that perfectly awkward look on her face. Goddamn it, she was perfection.

"Uh, hey," Kristen said. "May I come in?"

Dakota said nothing, overwhelmed by the reality of this situation. She only moved out of the way, and Kristen breezed past her. Dakota's heart fluttered as she caught Kristen's familiar scent. She absentmindedly pushed the door to close it, not realizing it didn't shut all the way. They stood in the front hall, and Dakota leaned up against the wall, Kristen standing in front of her.

"How ya doin?" Kristen asked casually.

Dakota just started at her, feeling her throat tighten. She swallowed hard and shrugged.

Kristen sighed. "Look,…shit. We haven't spoken in a while and I just, uh, I needed to know you were okay. I mean, I know with everything that's happened lately you must be…well, I don't know how you're feeling but I just…I miss you, okay? I miss talking to you."

Dakota scanned Kristen's face and took a deep breath, only nodding once.

"Aren't you gonna say something?" Kristen asked.

Dakota shook her head. "No," she said simply.

"What?" Kristen asked, taking a step toward her.

"I can't say it," Dakota replied quietly.

"Say what?"

"I can't say what I want to say to you."

"Why not?"

"Because." Dakota took a step back, crossing her arms.

"Dakota, c'mon. I need to talk to you. I want to know."

Dakota shook her head. "No you don't."

Kristen sighed. "Please. Tell me. Whatever it is, just tell me."

Dakota looked at her for a solid minute. She felt the angst and pain and sadness begin to come to the surface. She licked her lips and took a deep breath.

"You want to know how I feel?" she said.

Kristen nodded.

"You really want to know how I fucking _feel_, Kristen?" she said, raising her voice. She felt it all coming up now and she knew she couldn't stop.

Kristen's eyes widened, surprised at the sudden change in tone. "Yeah," she said. "Just tell me!"

"I hate you! I hate you, I hate you!" Dakota said loudly. The more she said it, the worse it tasted on her tongue. But it's all she knew how to say. She couldn't stop.

"I hate the way you look at me, I hate the way you smile, the way you laugh. I hate the way you smell and the way you hold my hand. I hate the way your tshirts fall so perfect against your body. I hate your long, beautiful legs, and your soft, delicate skin. I hate your adorable freckles and that nervous little thing you do with your fingers. I hate when you bite your lip, when you lick your lips, when you touch your lips against mine. I hate how funny you are, how smart you are. I hate how well-read you are, and the way you teach me something new every day. I hate how good you make me feel. I hate everything. I hate everything because that is the only way I know how to survive. The only way I know how to live without you is to hate you. To hate everything I love about you. I hate it all because I love it all. And that is all I have going for me."

Kristen just stared at Dakota then, in the most heartbreaking of ways. Dakota could see tears shimmering in Kristen's eyes, making them even brighter. Kristen's chest heaved slightly, but she tried to take shallow breaths. It was like she was trying to concentrate on one word at a time, and perhaps she was. Dakota let out a long, staggered breath, her eyes never leaving Kristen's face (as if they ever could).

"I don't…" is all Kristen got out before her throat started burning and her head fell forward, her shoulders shaking instantly and Dakota saw tears fall from her eyes, hitting the ground so hard she swore she heard it. She didn't want to hurt her, but she had to know. She had to know that she was suffering and part of Dakota, a sick, sadistic part of her, wanted Kristen to suffer too.

But Dakota stood her ground, just watching her as she wept. She felt awful, but this is how it had to be right now. She had to know the truth – and the truth is always a bitter pill to swallow. The only noise was her sobs and with each one Dakota's muscles tightened as she fought back the urge to give into her. God, she hated this.

"Why?" she asked. "Why, why?" she said again.

Dakota just shook her head.

"It's too late," she sobbed. "It's too late now. Why now? Huh? Why now, why today? Why now?" she was stuttering, trying to speak faster than her lips would let her.

"Because," Dakota said solemnly. "Because I had to tell you how I felt. For once."

"For once? You had 3 years to tell me how you felt. Three years, Dakota. What about that, huh? What about all that time?" she was nearly hysterical now.

"All that time? All that time?" Dakota yelled back. "You think I didn't want to tell you? You think I didn't care then? I couldn't tell you then. I had to wait. I had to wait until it was too late. Don't you see that?"

She cried and cried, wiping her wet tears from her eyes. Dakota's heart skipped a beat every so often, nervous and anxious and afraid. She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. Not anymore.

"It's too late," Kristen said again. "It's too late for this."

"I know."

They were quiet for a moment. There was only breathing, and sighing, and sniffling.

"Did you think I didn't feel the same?" Kristen finally asked. She said this very quietly, so quietly that Dakota almost didn't hear her.

Dakota thought for a moment, her eyes scanning her face. Was this a trick question?

"I don't know," she said honestly.

Kristen just stared at Dakota then, her emerald eyes piercing through her like a razor. Dakota sucked in her breath at the mere sight of the look on her beautiful, sad face. "Three years," Kristen said once more. "We had three years."

"Are you trying to tell me that you felt the same way?" Dakota asked slowly. "Because if you are then you cannot blame me for this."

Kristen clenched her jaw. Dakota had never seen her like this before. This was new and strangely exciting.

"Do you think I was oblivious? Do you think I didn't notice the little things, or the big things for that matter? Did you think that what we were doing was meaningless to me?"

"Yes," Dakota said quickly.

"Well, you're wrong. I would go home and not be able to stop thinking about you. I would pretend that things were just casual, that things were just stupid and juvenile but they would consume me. And there you were, your mouth shut, while I waited for you to say something, to let me know that this was real."

"Me?" Dakota said. "Why didn't you say something? I stood there looking like an idiot a million times because I thought this meant nothing. I thought I meant nothing."

Kristen took a step toward Dakota. "Nothing?" she whispered. "How could you mean nothing to me? You were everything to me."

They looked at each other for a very long time then, and a hundred thousand memories flooded through my head. They were both so unbelievably and irrevocably stupid.

"Damn it," Dakota said quietly. She looked down at the ground, shuffling slightly on her feet. She peered back up at her slowly and she winced, feeling a crippling wave of regret wash over her. "What now?" she asked.

Kristen shrugged. "I don't know," she said.

"I still need you in my life," Dakota said slowly. She felt my throat tighten swallowed hard. She couldn't stay guarded any longer.

Kristen sighed and looked away for a moment, her eyes slowly sliding back across Dakota's face. "It's a little complicated now, don't you think?"

Dakota took a step toward her, grabbing Kristen's hand as if it were the only thing that made sense to do. It was thoughtless, involuntary. Like so many things between them, it just happened.

"I know it is, but I can't lose you. I mean, I already lost you once and I can't…I can't lose you forever."

Kristen squeezed Dakota's fingers, who could feel the obligation in the way she pulled her hand out of her grasp. Kristen knew it wasn't right, but Dakota could tell she wanted to keep their hands linked.

"Dakota," Kristen said slowly. But she cut her off.

"I know it's really weird now. And I know you're with _him_ now," Dakota said with a distain she didn't even try to hide. "But you're the most important thing to me. You're my best friend. You're everything. Please. Don't walk away and let this ruin everything. I just had to tell you how I felt. I just needed you to know."

"But everything is _different _now," she said.

Dakota shook her head. "No, no. It's not that different. It's just…we can handle it. We can handle this."

"I don't know if I can," Kristen said. Dakota's heart felt like it fell out of her chest and onto the floor.

"Don't say that. Please. I can't…I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I told you I hated you. I'm sorry I yelled at you and blamed you for this. I just…I can't…" the desperation was saturating her every syllable.

"I wish you did hate me," Kristen said quickly. "I wish you hated me and that you never wanted to see me again and we could both move on and pretend like this never happened. But now…we know. Now we both know the truth. And the truth is really painful."

Dakota wanted to reach out and grab her just then, pull her against her and hold her tight until all of this went away. It took every ounce of strength in her body not to touch her. She took a long, stuttering breath.

"Okay," Dakota said, trying to sound secure. She could feel her chest quake and didn't want her voice to be a dead giveaway for the tidal wave of pain that was ripping through her now. "If that's how it has to be then…" she trailed off, clearing my throat. "Then that's fine. I'll walk away," her voice broke on that last word and she covered her face with her hands.

"I'm sorry," Kristen said. Dakota felt her hand on her shoulder and she cried harder knowing this would be the last time she'd ever touch her. She never wanted this moment to end, even though it was awful. But at least they were together. After a few minutes, Dakota's hands dropped and she peeled her burning eyes open, wanting to say something without having any words just yet, but Kristen was already gone.


	10. Please

Kristen walked through the door, her head down, hair in her face. Her cheeks were stained with tears and she wiped the mascara that was running under her eyes. She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw Rob standing there, a concerned look on his face.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"I just thought I'd drop by…but you weren't here. Is everything alright? Have you been crying?" he took a step toward her.

Kristen held her hand out slightly to stop him from coming any closer. "I just…I need to be alone for a little while, okay?"

Rob scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, alright. But, uh, what happened? I mean, are you…are we okay?"

Kristen nodded slowly, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Her hands were shaking slightly and she ran them through her hair nervously. "Yeah, it's fine. I just…please, I need to just think about some stuff okay?"

Rob nodded. His heart was racing with anxiety – what was this all about? He wished she'd just tell him.

"Call me later then, yeah?" he said.

She nodded and smiled apologetically but it was weak and unenthusiastic.

He grabbed his jacket and shoved his feet in his sneakers. He looked back to say goodbye but she was already flying up the stairs. He heard her bedroom door click shut and he sighed, walking out.

Kristen sat down on her bed, fumbling with her cigarette package. She didn't usually smoke in the house, but she was desperate. She took a long drag and exhaled, watching the smoke filter out in front of her. She couldn't believe what had just happened. She thought she was going to fix everything by finally talking with Dakota – she thought that it was going to end in a hug, and a laugh and maybe even a bowl of ice cream. But instead, somehow, it had only gotten monumentally worse. She couldn't shake the image of Dakota's face from her mind, the way she looked like she was in pain. _I'm a monster_, she thought. _I'm an awful, awful person._

She reached for her phone and went to dial Dakota's number but stopped herself. Part of her wanted to just tell her how much she loved her and that she had been so stupid and beg her to take her back. But, she couldn't. What about Rob? She really did love him but this aching inside of her was almost too much to bear. How could she fix this now? How could she live in both worlds?

Her phone vibrated in her hand and it startled her. She glanced down at the flashing message. It was from Dakota. She opened it and her heart nearly stopped.

"Please." That's it all it said. But, that's all it needed to say.

Kristen found the ringing on the other end of the phone almost tortuous. It rang twice before Dakota picked up, but it felt like an eternity.

"Hello?" Dakota said, her voice raspy.

"I'm sorry," Kristen said quickly. "I am so stupid. I am so fucking stupid. Please forgive me. I don't know what to do in this situation. I…fuck, Dakota. You know that I love you. I love you so fucking much but things are really complicated right now and…I just…" she took a breath.

Dakota swallowed hard. "I know," she said calmly. "I know things are complicated but you just showed up and asked me how I felt and I just…I couldn't stop. I couldn't keep it inside any longer."

"I'm glad you told me. But, I just wish we hadn't been so fucking stupid."

They were quiet for a moment.

"I understand that you're with Rob now," Dakota said slowly. "I'm not trying to take that away from you, but I absolutely don't think I can carry on a life without you. I mean, this past year has been awful. And I know it's partially my fault, but it's been really hard without around."

Kristen smiled slightly. "I thought about you all the time. I mean, I just figured that you didn't want to talk to me anymore, so I stopped calling."

"I didn't want to talk to you for a little while, but then it just became stubborn. Then I was just…"she trailed off.

"I am so sorry that it happened like this. I mean, I wanted to tell you but…well, I-I didn't know how." Kristen stuttered slightly.

"I know. It just took me awhile to get over the idea that maybe you wouldn't always choose me, I guess." Dakota replied.

Kristen was quiet for a moment. She wasn't expecting to hear something like that.

"Dakota, I –"

"No," Dakota said, cutting her off. "It's okay. Things…change. And people change. That's just how it is."

Kristen cleared her throat. "I don't know how to explain what happened. I really don't. But I mean, you and I…it was just so perfect, I guess. I mean, you showed up and I was just in awe of you for so long. We just clicked so fast and it was so different, it was some of the most exciting moments of my life. But, with Rob it was just so comfortable. It's very different, I don't know how to explain it. But, I liked both feelings and I know that was hurting you and I realized that I never, ever want to hurt you. But, I can't stop hurting you it seems. I mean, I can't…I don't…"

"You didn't even kiss me goodbye," Dakota said softly.

"What?" Kristen asked, her chest feeling heavy.

"After we…when you left you never even kissed me goodbye. It was just over. It was so confusing and I never felt closure you know? And then you and Rob were…and there was nothing I could do because I _knew _how you felt about him. I knew you loved him too."

"Fuck," Kristen said under her breath. She looked down at the lit cigarette in her hand, took a long drag, before putting it out in a nearly empty water bottle by her bed. She blew the smoke out in front of her, running her hand through her hair. She laid down on her bed, her mind racing but not a single word found its way to her mouth.

"Hello?" Dakota said after a few moments.

"Yeah, hi. Sorry. I'm just…I don't really know what to say. This is…weird. I mean, things are just so fucked up right now."

Dakota sighed. "I know but whatever happened, happened. And now all I want is to have you back in my life…and to be back in yours. Can we at least try that for now?"

Kristen smiled slightly. "Yes. Absolutely. That's all I want too."

"Okay," Dakota said softly.

"Okay," Kristen repeated.

Even after they hung up the phone, Kristen's chest ached. She lit another cigarette, hoping it would calm her down, but still nothing could get the look of Dakota's face out of her mind.

After a little while, Kristen dialled Rob's number. She definitely owed him some kinfd of explanation and figured now was as good a time as any.

"Hello?" he said, clearing his throat slightly.

"Uh hey. It's me. Listen, I'm, uh, really sorry about earlier. But I'm okay now. At least, I think I am."

"Alright," Rob said, waiting for her to go on.

"It's just…well I went to go see Dakota and things got really heavy. We hadn't spoken in so long and we had some, uh, unfinished business I guess. And that's why I was upset."

"What do you mean, unfinished business?"

Kristen sighed. She had kept this from him for so long but she was beginning to feel that maybe he should know.

"Well…and I know really know how to say this, but uh…Dakota and I, for a little while, we were kind of, like, involved with each other."

Rob frowned. "Involved how?" he asked slowly, though he was sure he already knew the answer.

"Uh, well, like, intimately." Kristen felt her face grow hot and her heart beat heavily in her chest. When you keep a secret for this long, it seems almost like a lie when you finally let it all out.

Rob was quiet for a moment. He always knew Kristen and Dakota were close but he never really thought they were ever _that_ close. After all, Dakota was 4 years younger than Kristen. But, he imagined there were things they shared between them that he would never understand.

"So, alright. You and Dakota were…together, then?"

"Yes," Kristen said quickly.

"And now you're…?"

"Friends," Kristen replied. She took a deep breath.

"So what is this unfinished business?" Rob's mind raced with the possibilities.

"Nothing. It's just we…had some things to say to each other that we never had a chance to talk about before. And it had been so long since we last spoke, and then you know, with you and I together now it was kind of hard to talk about but…we just had to sort it out. And everything is fine now. Everything is….back to normal, I guess."

"And what exactly is normal?" There was a hint of resentment in Rob's voice that Kristen picked up on.

"We're friends again. We're talking again."

"Is that all? I mean, how long were the two of you 'intimately involved' for?"

Kristen could sense a fight coming on. "Awhile," she said nonchalantly.

"Like, how long?"

"On and off ever since we were filming _The Runaways_. But, mostly on while we were filming _Eclipse_."

Rob was quiet on the other end.

"What?" Kristen said.

"You and I were together during filming," he said slowly.

"No we weren't," Kristen replied defensively.

"Yes, we were. We weren't, you know, _together_ together, but we hooked up. I mean, we were kind of going somewhere. This didn't just pop out of thin air, Kristen!"

Kristen scoffed. "We were not together, Rob. We were _so_ not together."

"So, were you seeing both us then? Were you shagging me and then shagging her afterward?"

"Jesus!" Kristen said loudly. "Why does everything have to be so fucking black and white with you? You and I, we weren't 'shagging' alright? And secondly, it's none of your damn business!"

"Oh, right. I see. You get to just play around with everyone's heart, huh? You're the sexy little heartbreaker now. You play both sides of the rope, don't you? She's in love with you too, isn't she?"

Kristen clenched her jaw. She was regretting this phone call. "Rob, this is ridiculous. Why are we…this is so stupid."

"Answer the question," he said forcefully. He really did have a bit of a temper.

"What question?" Kristen asked, playing dumb.

"Is she in love with you too?"

"I don't know," she lied. "I don't know if she's in love with me, okay? But it doesn't matter because I'm with you now." She could feel a tingle in her throat and she coughed, trying to clear it away.

"Are you in love with her?" he asked slowly, his voice low and cautious.

Kristen paused for a moment. This conversation was spiralling out of control.

"Rob," she said.

"Kristen, are you in love with her? Tell me the truth." He was very serious now.

She closed her eyes, thankful that he was not standing in front of her, watching her trembling hands. "No," she said.

"Are you sure?" Rob asked.

"Yes," Kristen said. "Yes, I am sure."

"I'm sorry. I just…I don't want to lose you, okay? I can't. I mean, I…I love you."

Kristen smiled slightly. "I love you too. I'm not going anywhere."

Rob cleared his throat. "You could have anyone you want, Kristen. Anyone in the world. And I know that. I remind myself of that every day."

Kristen felt the tingle in the back of her throat getting worse. "Okay," she said, unsure of what else to say.

"You're such a fascinating creature. Exquisite, really. And I don't blame Dakota. I really and truly don't because you are wonderful, Kristen. I shouldn't have gotten upset just now. I'm sorry. But, I just can't imagine not having you in my life. It would be empty. I would be empty."


	11. Addicted

Kristen's heart raced. She knew exactly the predicament she found herself in now. And how perfect. She had to choose, once again between the boy and the girl. She could hardly wrap her head around it, and if she thought about it for too long she got horrible knots in her stomach that practically made her sick. How could she have both? Well, she couldn't. Plain and simple. But she wanted both so badly. She wanted the softness, the sweetness of Dakota, and yet the roughness and comfort of Rob. She took a deep breath, clenching her hands into fists. She had to choose once and for all.

Or did she?

There was a soft knock at the door and Kristen smiled to herself. She walked slowly toward it and turned the lock, swinging the door open. Her smile widened.

"Hi," she said, her raspy voice catching in her throat.

Dakota smiled. "Hi."

Kristen moved aside and Dakota walked passed her. Kristen took a deep breath as she caught Dakota's familiar scent and she closed her eyes for a moment, shutting the door. She knew that they had decided just to be friends but it was all starting to be too much. The two of them hadn't spend any time alone since their big talk a few weeks ago, and now it all seemed too perfect. Rob was away, which would explain why they couldn't be alone. He didn't need to know what she was doing every moment of every day. Anyway, they were just hanging out. Two friends. Alone.

"So," Dakota said, sitting down on the couch.

"So," Kristen repeated. She sat down beside her, looking over at her quizzically.

They both smiled awkwardly. The tension was thick and they were both trying to ignore it. Dakota kept her hands neatly in her lap, afraid of what they might do if she let them too far away from her own body.

"What have you been up to?" she asked slowly.

Kristen smiled. "Nothing really. Reading a script at the moment."

"Oh?" Dakota asked. "Any good?"

Kristen nodded. "Yeah, it's pretty cool actually. I'm only, like, 20 pages in but I like it."

Dakota smiled sweetly.

Kristen grinned, looking down at her hands.

"What?" Dakota asked.

Kristen shook her head slightly, her lips still curled into a playful smile. "Nothing. Just the way you looked just now." She cleared her throat.

"Oh," Dakota said. She looked around the room awkwardly.

They sat there for a moment in silence. The sound of their clothes rubbing against the fabric of the couch was all that filled the room, and they caught each other's glance. Dakota could feel her pulse rise in her throat and she swallowed hard. She knew that she would feel like this the second she stepped foot into this house. She was nervous and anxious, and Kristen looked so damn cute with her messy hair pushed out of her face, a plain white v-neck tshirt hanging so perfectly off her slender frame. Dakota's eyes flitted down Kristen's torso and she caught glimpse of her bra. She smiled bashfully, and shifted her eyes quickly down Kristen's legs, settling on her hands that were resting in her lap. She noticed a ring that looked unfamiliar and reached out instinctively to look touch it.

"That's nice," she said.

Kristen's hand was nearly shaking as it found its way into Dakota's. The ring was from Rob, but she wasn't planning on telling her that part.

"Thanks," she said softly.

They look at each other then, their hands still touching. Kristen wrapped her fingers around Dakota's palm.

"Dakota," she said practically in a whisper.

Dakota was quiet, her big blue eyes just staring back at Kristen. She didn't want to say a word.

"I, uh," Kristen said, shuddering. "Shit, I've missed you. I, like, I can't even go through a day without thinking about you. About what we talked about. And, you just…you look so damn good. You always look good." She was rambling now.

Dakota smiled. "Kristen," she said. "You don't have to tell me all this. We can just sit here. I just want to be around you, that's all."

Kristen shook her head. "Dakota, if I don't keep talking, I swear to God I am gonna do something I might regret."

"Like what?" Dakota asked, daring her to say it.

Kristen looked at her and licked her lips. "You know damn well what because you can feel it too."

"Feel what?" Dakota asked coyly.

Kristen smiled crookedly. "This," she said, pulling her hand away and placing against Dakota's chest.

Dakota took a deep breath, feeling the weight of Kristen's palm against her. She put her hand over top of it, wrapping her fingers around it, then pulling it away slowly.

"We've played this game before," Dakota said. "It didn't end well."

Kristen clenched her jaw. "I know," she breathed. "And I never intended it to be that way."

Dakota nodded.

Kristen edged closer and Dakota observed the shrinking space between them. She wanted to fight this, more than anything she wanted to pretend that she didn't want this more than she wanted to breathe. She watched Kristen's eyes dart between her own and her lips. She recognized the look on Kristen's face, and it was one she couldn't resist. Not now, not ever.

Before they realized, their lips were attached, their hands against each other's bodies. It felt so good, so familiar, and yet exhilarating. Kristen's head was spinning as she remembered why she loved this so much, and revelled in how different it felt from kissing Rob. It was softer, gentler. It was heaven.

Dakota pulled away, and Kristen's eyes fluttered open.

"Wait," she said. "Wait, wait."

Kristen held her breath. She knew it was too good to be true.

"We…we can't. We totally can't do this, Kristen. We can't…I can't fall back in love with you." The words just spilled out of Dakota's mouth.

Kristen exhaled. "Dakota, please. You know that I…we never stopped. You know that. We'll never stop."

"But, what about Rob? What about everything we talked about?"

"Dakota, I can't be around you without wanting you. I literally can't sit here and not touch you. I'm, like, totally addicted to you."

Dakota put her face in her hands. "Damn it," she said under her breath.

"I know you want this," Kristen urged. "I know you want this too."

"You can't always get everything you want, Kristen."

"You can have me," she whispered. "You can fucking have me, Dakota."

Dakota sighed, looking back at Kristen. Those sharp green eyes were hypnotic, and before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and kissed her rosy lips again, pushing away all the consequences and filling herself with the satisfied feeling of desire.


	12. Guilt

Kristen felt guilty. Gut wrenchingly guilty. She had everything she wanted – the boy and the girl. She would spend the day with Dakota, and the night with Rob or visa versa. She would text one while with the other, tell them both that she loved them. She wasn't lying. She did love them both. And she struggled with the idea of monogamy, and the thought of whether what she was doing was really so wrong. She _was_ deceiving Rob. He had no idea. He was absolutely clueless. He trusted Kristen blindly. Every word that fell out of her mouth he took to be the truth. He knew she was a horrible liar. But what he didn't account for was that she was an excellent actress.

Dakota had difficulty sleeping lately. She couldn't alleviate the stress that came from being the other woman. She was a mistress, a deceiver. She was a saboteur. She couldn't help her flare for the dramatic when it came to her life now – she was everything she had dismissed in the movies, the TV shows. She was knowingly deceiving another person – someone she once considered a friend. She knew it would kill Rob if he found out. It would devastate him. He was so sensitive, so protective. If he only knew what happened when his beloved girlfriend left his side…

But she didn't care. That was what kept her up at night. She felt guilty for not feeling guilty. She wanted Kristen, she wanted her so bad that it ached. And she would do anything to have her – she would lie, cheat. She would do anything. It disturbed her to realize this, remembering Kristen's words; "I'm addicted to you."

Their lives were like a poorly written soap opera.

"Hey," Kristen whispered, nudging Dakota.

Dakota stirred slightly. They must have fallen asleep. She blinked, looking over at Kristen.

"Wha-what time is it?" she asked.

"It's like 4 in the afternoon. We dozed off for a bit." Kristen replied.

Dakota squinted. "Do you have to go?" She knew this was inevitable.

"Not yet," Kristen said. She wrapped her arm around Dakota's tiny frame.

Dakota smiled slightly. "I hate when you leave," she said sleepily.

Kristen bit her lip. "I know," she said.

"Sometimes I wish I wasn't so…into you," Dakota said. She smiled slightly.

Kristen kissed Dakota's neck. "No you don't."

Dakota turned to look at Kristen completely. "It's so much easier for you."

Kristen shook her head. "I hate leaving you too."

"But you get to go to…him. And I have to wait here for you to come back."

Kristen sighed, brushing hair out of Dakota's face. "I know," she said.

"I believe you when you say you love us both. It's just…I want you all the time. I want to wake up in the middle of the night and have you be there, you know?" Dakota took a deep breath. "And it's so much easier for him too. He doesn't know. I mean, he has no clue. He goes on every day thinking you're only with him, while I'm sitting here knowing exactly what's happening when you're not with me. His ignorance is bliss."

Kristen clenched her jaw. "Dakota," she said softly, looking down at her delicate face.

"I would do anything for you. I really would. And if you think I haven't thought about leaving him, you're wrong. It's so different with you. But, he's been everything to me for so long. I just…I don't know what I would do without him."

"But, you have me. Aren't I just as good?" Dakota could feel a sting in her eye. She blinked it away.

"Of course. Of course you are. And I know this hurts you. And I know I am hurting both of you. It's awful. The more I talk about it and think about it, the more I start to hate myself for doing this. But I can't stay away from you, and I can't leave him."

They were both quiet for a moment.

"I don't think I could stop wanting you if I tried," Dakota said, her voice sounding far away.

Kristen leaned in and touched her nose against Dakota's. "I have tried. It was awful, and I failed." She smiled, pressing her lips against Dakota.

Dakota moved slightly, pressing herself against Kristen. Every time they kissed it was like everything melted away and all that mattered was what was happening right then.

**Later that night. **

"What the hell is this?" Rob asked, turning his computer around to reveal a photo of Kristen leaving Dakota's house.

Kristen panicked for a moment, but kept a calm face. "Why are you reading that shit?" She felt guilty for getting caught, but also violated, once again, by the creepy nature of the paparazzi.

"This was taking this afternoon, it says," Rob continued. "Were you at Dakota's this afternoon?"

Kristen shrugged. "Yeah."

"Well, you look like you spent the whole night there."

Kristen licked her lips. "I did."

"Why?"

Kristen crossed her arms, feeling defensive. "Because I wanted to."

"Well, I don't really know how I feel about that," Rob replied.

"Oh, really?" Kristen said, raising her eyebrows. "What's it to you?"

Rob was getting angry. "What's it to me? Damn it, Kristen. She's your ex-girlfriend. How the hell would you feel if I was spending the night at my ex-girlfriend's house?"

"You're ex-girlfriend lives in England," Kristen said sarcastically.

"You know what I mean, Kristen. Why didn't you tell me you were with her?"

Kristen shrugged, trying to keep her cool. "I didn't think it mattered."

"Well, it fucking matters," Rob said, slamming his laptop shut and storming out of the room.

"Shit," Kristen said under her breath. She got up and followed him into the kitchen.

"Rob," she said. "Why are you getting so angry about this? Am I not allowed to see my friends?"

He glared at her. "_She_ is not just your friend, Kristen. And you know that."

"What are you talking about?" Kristen said defensively. She felt her face get hot and her heartbeat increase in her chest.

"She means more to you than you let on, and I can see it. Don't try and pretend that you don't love her anymore. I see it in the way you look at her still, and the way you talk to her all the time. I'm beginning to think something is going on." Rob snarled slightly, his jealousy more obvious than it's ever been.

Kristen stood there, her mind racing. "I…I…it's not…fuck." She stuttered.

"You're nervous," Rob said. "That's enough for me to assume you're guilty."

"Guilty?" Kristen asked. "Of what?" she was yelling now.

Rob looked at her and shook his head. "Are you sleeping with her?" he asked, his face frozen.

Kristen looked him straight in the eye, blinking only once. "No," she said. She could hardly believe she had just lied to his face. Her stomach churned and she felt like she was going to be sick. She hated herself for this. She was a hypocrite.

Rob stared at her, scanning her face. "Aren't I enough?" he asked softly. "Aren't I enough for you?"

Kristen's eyes stung and she looked at the ground. She felt goosebumps shoot up her arm.

"I do love her," she said, almost in a whisper.

Rob stepped closer to her. "If you love her, then why are you pretending to love me?"

"I'm not pretending," she said, her voice breaking.

"But Kristen," Rob said. "You are."

She looked at him, and felt a sting in her eyes. "Rob," she croaked.

"I think," he said. "We should take a break so you can figure out what you want. Because I won't share you Kristen. I can't." He put his hand on her face for a moment, before grabbing his keys off the counter and walking out the door.

Kristen stood there, staring at the spot he had just left, and felt as though she had been caught. She didn't know how much he had figured out, but she felt embarrassed and sad that she had hurt him like this.

Dakota's phone rang and she picked it up instantly as she saw Kristen's name.

"Hi," she said, a smile spreading across her face.

"I- I think he knows," Kristen stuttered.

Dakota's heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?"

"I-I think we kind of, uh, well, I think he broke up with me. I don't know. He said we should go on a break so I can figure out what I want. He said he won't share me, and he knows how I feel about you."

"How? I don't understand…"

"There was a picture online. Those fucking creeps got a picture of me coming out of your house and he saw it and he…left."

They were both quiet for a moment.

"So, now what?" Dakota asked softly.

Kristen sighed. "I don't know."

"Well, are you okay?" Dakota said. She was beginning to worry and didn't like the sound of Kristen's voice right now.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just…I guess it was a bit of a reality check you know?" Kristen replied slowly.

"Well, do you want me to come over or…" Dakota asked cautiously.

Kristen smiled slightly. "I feel wrong if you come over to comfort me," she laughed slightly.

"But, I'm really good at it," Dakota hinted.

Kristen sighed. "Am I a bad person?" she asked softly.

"No," Dakota replied. "You're just…confused."

They were quiet for a moment. Kristen picked at the frayed threads on her jeans. She thought about how she really and truly felt now…and was a little ashamed to realize she felt relieved. She didn't have to sneak around anymore. Rob had left her, for all intents and purposes, and now she could be with Dakota. She bit her lip and opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again.

"Hello?" Dakota asked.

"Hi, sorry," Kristen replied. "I, uh, I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"You. About us."

"What about it?"

"You remember when I told you before that I would always choose you?"

"Yes," Dakota said. She swallowed hard, unsure of where this conversation was going.

"And then I lied, and I chose Rob instead?"

"Yes," Dakota said again.

"Well, I made a mistake," Kristen said. "I should have chosen you all along. I mean, Rob was everything to me. Before you and I started…getting to know each other better. And then he was just a distraction. I love him, I do. I always will, but…it's you that I always felt myself around. It's you that I can never get out of my mind."

Dakota smiled. "So, does that mean I can come over?"

Kristen laughed slightly. "Yes, Dakota. It means you can come over."

As soon as Kristen opened the door, Dakota threw herself into her arms. They kissed for a long time, standing there in the hallway. Kristen looked at Dakota's delicate face and cupped it in her hands. She knew that this would bring complications, and that it would only add salt to the wound of her and Rob's relationship, but when Dakota was there, their bodies pressed together, she knew that none of that really mattered anymore. She didn't have to lie anymore, not to Rob, not to herself, not to anybody.

As they crawled into bed, Kristen wrapped her arm around Dakota's slender frame. She felt more relaxed than she had in months, as the scent of Dakota's skin floated around her. She would fix everything in the morning, she though to herself. But she knew that her decision had finally been made. She had been so foolish before, had been trying to be something that she isn't. And now, everything was so quiet and still, just as it had always been when she was alone with Dakota. And just how she imagined it would always be.


End file.
